Postgraduate Struggles

Hey family, I hope this meets you well.

If you read my last post, Short Term Sacrifices, Long Term Gain, you’ll know that I have had some difficulties obtaining certain positions as I am not a fully qualified (JNC) youth worker.

Having progressed quite quickly within my field, the importance of holding this qualification became even more apparent. Since transitioning into my field full time, I knew this was something I needed to obtain. For me, there was suddenly this great sense of urgency as a JNC qualification would: open more doors for progression into managerial roles, provide more financial stability, permit respect as a professional, from other professionals in the field, solidify and prove my skill set and capabilities, and be one less reason why someone couldn’t hire me within my chosen field.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, most things are about perspective; here I am studying at Master’s level to get fully qualified and although I am grateful for the opportunity and so respectful of what holding a JNC qualification means, I’d be lying if I said that the road has not been difficult.

I guess the Short Term Sacrifices, Long Term Gain saga continues. Someone recently told me that: ‘they don’t call it a Master’s for no reason’, and if I thought I knew what he meant then, I sure as heck know what he means now.

I’ve struggled with life as a Postgraduate student and six months in, the journey isn’t getting any easier. But despite virtual learning, personal underestimations and expectations, I have to remember why I am here and remember the value in becoming fully accredited in a field that I love and believe in so much. I hope that this will be the right step into making the positive societal change that I so long to make. No matter how difficult.

Shine your light always

R x

Short Term Sacrifices, Long Term Gain

Hey family, I hope this meets you well.

Before I start, you might want to have a read over ‘A Leap of Faith’ for some context.

In 2015 I got a temp job working with a local authority. It wasn’t part of the plan but by His Grace, it kind of just fell into my lap and to be honest I needed the money after job-searching for almost seven months!! What was meant to be a four week contract turned into four years. Within those years I got more experience working with young people on the side, went back to uni, got promoted and became a permanent member of staff. The plan was to stay for a year, max two and transition into working with young people and/ or families, but as we’ve seen, having things go exactly how I planned them to 100% of the time isn’t really my forte.

I honestly cannot tell you how many jobs I applied for throughout my time at the Council and how many times I heard ‘no’. It was always: ‘you’re really great and we love you but you haven’t got enough experience’ or ‘you’re not what we’re looking for right now’. By 2019 I became really frustrated and decided to take matters into my own hands so I came up with yet another plan.

At this point I was still applying for jobs but the last one I applied for was a massive leap of faith:

1. Despite knowing I was more than capable, the job role was ambitious as I wasn’t a fully qualified youth worker and
2. It was out of my comfort zone but it was a leap I thought would massively contribute to my personal and professional growth.

To be honest I didn’t think I’d get it but I was so intrigued by their work that I applied anyway as I quite literally had nothing to lose.

Anyway, this job was the last straw and as I mentioned earlier I decided to take matters into my own hands. I was preparing to go to India in January 2020 and decided to put away a certain amount every month in 2019. If I didn’t get the job the plan was to hand in my notice at the council in December, live my best life in India in January and upon my return do it myself/ continue the grind and create the experience that every job said I didn’t have.

Funnily enough and somewhat ironically, I didn’t need the back up plan for once because in May 2019 I got the job I thought I wouldn’t get. But nothing worth having comes easy. I was offered the job but at a lower role because I wasn’t fully (JNC) qualified and my experience ‘wasn’t really youth work’. Ouch. I tried to hold it in but I cried that day, (if you know me personally, you know that I rarely ever cry, so me crying says a lot) because it felt like every other no I had heard and it was like I took one step forward and four steps back. Despite my frustrations I had to make some difficult but logical decisions and quite literally step back to move forward. But really, life is about perspective and I eventually saw it as a short term sacrifice for a long term gain.

I took the lower rank with a view to get fully qualified and get promoted. It came with a significant pay decrease, it came with needing to do additional study and it came with having to wait at least a year before I could even reap the benefits. But I learnt that sometimes you have to let your light shine by itself, for itself- people will notice it without you having to do anything. Three months after taking the lower role I got promoted and one year into that promotion I got promoted again- into the role that I initially applied for (without the qualification). See what I mean? See how God works?

All of this is to say that sometimes things don’t go according to plan and things don’t look how we thought they would. Sometimes steps back to move forward are necessary and sometimes we need to make temporary sacrifices so that we can really reap the benefits of what there is to gain. The road to success requires patience and I am yet to hear a success story that doesn’t include falling down a thousand times and having to get back up.

Think about where you’ve come from, think about where I’ve come from and try not be afraid of what is to come. I believe that what is yours will always be yours and God will open the doors that need to be opened. Remember short term sacrifices, long term gain- and that doesn’t have to be as big as taking a job, it can also be as small as staying up one night to work on your dreams.

Take one for your team and shine your light always.

R x

2021

2020 was a turbulent year for many, as a result of the shared trauma I’m convinced that most people anticipate that 2021 will either be:

1. Phenomenal (‘this is my year’) or
2. Just a sh*t as the last one…

At first, I couldn’t comprehend how so many people had such positive and high hopes for 2021 but a conversation with a friend made me consider that having such high hopes might be the only factor enabling so many to tackle 2021 with heads held high.

Either way, I had a thought. Instead of focusing on how good or how bad we anticipate the year to be why don’t we focus on the things we can control? That way we reduce the chances of being disappointed and we have a great year because the focus has shifted to accomplishing the things we know we can achieve.

It’s not the most ideal but sometimes we have to make do with what we have. I know that I don’t have control over how BoJo’s decisions will affect me but I do have control over writing that book I wanted to write five years ago so I’ll focus on the latter.

They say that life is what you make it and in these unprecedented times this statement couldn’t be closer to the truth. As frustrating as it is, let’s focus on the things we can control. I take comfort in the fact that God is and always will be in control and He has His hands on us even though it feels like things are falling apart…

Shine your light always.

R x

Return of the Mack…

Wow, I can’t believe I am here. Saying it has been a while would be an understatement. So, so much has changed.

To those of you who are familiar with me/ my content, hello, we meet again. I hope the last few years have treated you well and if it hasn’t I hope you have been able to overcome with grace.

To those of you who are new, welcome. I hope that this space with provide comfort and healing.

There is so much I have to say and so much I have learnt over the last few years. I’ve decided not to do a full on update post and plan to release new content every Thursday. The first few posts will enable you to get an idea of what I’ve been up to and what has changed but I’ll mix this up by including posts that focus on everyday life at the moment.

If you’re a long time follower you may notice that I have removed some old posts- hopefully this isn’t too much of a bummer; feel free to take some time to look over the new site, re-read some of your old faves and (re-)familiarise yourself with who I am and what Student of the Father is about by reading the home page.

It’s genuinely so good to be back.

See you Thursday.

R x

Mushy Rice

I can cook. Now, I won’t say that I’m incredible and I can throw down in the kitchen but I definitely know my way around. Although it’s not my favourite thing to do, I cook with love. With a view to becoming a wife and mother in the near future, and taking into account the fact that I have- for as long as I can remember- always been surrounded by very good food, I believe it is my turn to surround the people I love with very good food.

Growing up, I’ve always imagined myself entertaining people, I’ve always imagined that the kitchen would be the heart of, or at least be a massive part of my home. One of my goals/ my desire is that people would genuinely love and enjoy my food. I’m pretty sure this stems from my Nigerian culture. I love my culture. More so now than ever, I appreciate and understand the importance of being able to provide as a woman, taking responsibility of this responsibility. At the end of the day, I am a Nigerian woman, therefore, looking after my home, looking after my kitchen will always be my duty, no matter the century, no matter how annoying it may be.  I’m not saying that it’s compulsory for women (Nigerian) to cook all the time and spend every last moment in the kitchen with no help, but I am saying cooking and serving is a big part of this culture. What you choose to do with that fact is up to you. But I digress.

Anyone who knows me will know that I don’t like change but I’ve been (surprisingly) welcoming it. This year has been great so far as I’ve impressed myself in more ways than one, doing things I never saw myself doing and doing the things I always wanted to do. This includes cooking- striving to master various dishes, working towards being able to say (with much proof) that I can throw down in the kitchen.

With a view to mastering how to cook different types of food, I have made a list of the food/ meals I can make well and a list of the food/ meals I haven’t made before that I’d like to be able to cook well. This keeps the goal in sight and makes achieving this goal seem more realistic as I can alter the lists as I go along. Ultimately, I should be left with one very long list and one short one.

Having said all this, I’m actively making an effort to make more meals and to try new things. Come on, they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and I want bae (and my family) to live in my kitchen. Truly enjoying the meals that await him (them).

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On Tuesday, I thought I’d make some Nigerian fried rice. Although I’ve made this many times before with great results, I decided to make it again as it was an easy dinner. Or so I thought. We didn’t have any long grain/ easy cook rice left at home so I begrudgingly used basmati rice -_-. At this point, I was already aware of the many setbacks, but I approached with caution and proceeded to use the basmati anyway, hoping that it would be a first time success. Despite the fact that it seemed to be going well at first, it (all of a sudden) took a turn for the worst with the final product being… hmm… let’s say… less than desirable? As disappointing as it was, the experience allowed me to consider the bright side and bask in the positives. Because of the mushy rice, I learnt/ was reminded that:

1. It can be disappointing when things don’t always go the way that we planned but it’s not the end of the world. We can learn from every experience.
2. Practice makes perfect.
3. Stepping out of your comfort zone is not so bad.
4. Most people will appreciate your efforts.
5. Mushy rice is part of the process.
6. Never again will I ever make fried or jollof rice with basmati rice. (Well not until I seek wise counsel anyway).

But ultimately, as frustrating as it was, I am determined to reach the goal and continue experimenting. You never know unless you try, right? In light of looking at the positives and working on the negatives, I took the time to reflect on Wednesday’s dinner that went a lot better than Tuesday’s. Yes, I cheated by doing something that I knew would work but I still found there were things I could have done better. We are our harshest critiques, but who knows, I might share some things with you as I progress on this journey.

While striving to reach this goal, (making sure that Rebekah’s kitchen is the place to be), there are some other things that I’m going to be working on:

1. Timings- I can take too long to prepare food (I don’t want my children to starve!).
2. Sticking to cleaning up as I go along. It works up until a certain point and then I just stop :s.
3. Mastering when to cook certain things so that everything is ready at the same time and being able to avoid possible disasters that may come with cooking multiple things at the same time.
4. Cooking under pressure (keeping calm and carrying on).
5. Enjoying each process, continuing to cook with love.

I hope this inspires you to go after the smaller goals that still have an impact on your life, as you work towards the bigger ones. Don’t be afraid to work on you and to work on improving your future. Bask in who you are and embrace where you are from. Reaching a goal is reaching a goal, right? Regardless of how big or small it is. Do you, always.

Ps sorry I didn’t post last week, it was a bit of a hectic one. I hope you’re all good though and you’re all shining your incredibly bright lights.

 

Until Thursday

Happy aiming and achieving!

Rebekah

Daisy Chains

Hello again, I hope you’re all well and you’ve had a wonderful week.

Last week Saturday, I thought about an old friend. We went to the same Sixth Form quite a few years ago, and although we were close, some time after finishing we somehow lost contact.

Although I thought about my friend over the years, there was something different about when she crossed my mind last week. I couldn’t help but wonder why people rarely reach out to long lost friends, or why people fail to let others know that they are missed, or they haven’t been forgotten. Is there really any harm in reaching out to a lost friend? What’s the worst that could happen or what does one have to lose? After asking myself these questions, I decided to send an email (as I wasn’t sure if C had changed her number, and knew that an email was probably the best bet) and I’m so, so glad I did. So much has changed but it’s as if nothing has changed.

We’re still in the process of catching up, but this experience reminded me how much can change at any given time. As we go through life, we can get caught up in the adventure and the places we are taken to, and as we go through the motions we don’t necessarily realise what’s going on and how fast things are changing. Filling my friend in allowed me to reflect on the last few years. I was reminded that we don’t often realise everything that goes on until we stop and really consider all the things we have been through. Reflecting is amazing; rebuilding bridges or maintaining an old (but beautiful) garden we failed to continue to look after, is amazing.

Apart from the fact that I genuinely missed my friend and I was keen to learn about how she was and everything I’d missed out on, I accept that it was probably easier for me to reach out to my friend as there was no tension between us- we didn’t have an argument, we didn’t fall out etc, we just simply somehow lost contact. With that being said, I wanted to share this with you guys as (from this experience) I have found that there is security and warmth in reaching out. I wanted to encourage you to try and rebuild an old bridge. Reaching out may not go according to plan, but if there is someone you have lost contact with, that you still very much adore, and who you haven’t forgotten about, there’s no harm in seeing how they are, and letting them know that they mean just as much to you as they did before, all those years ago. You never know, it could make their whole day, and then some. There’s no harm in trying.

Do something different.

Until next week

Rebekah

Faith Without Works

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and holding onto the fact that having faith goes hand in hand with being practical, or putting in the work. I serve a mighty God who is able to do all things, but trusting in that truth shouldn’t make room for laziness.

James 2: 14- 26 highlights the fact that faith without works is dead. To put this in perspective, if I say that I want a new job, what good is it if I have faith that God will give me a new job but I don’t update my CV and apply for anything? Or if I say I want to meet new people but don’t put myself out there and network etc, what good is it? It doesn’t really make sense. Yes have faith and trust that things work in God’s time but also put in the work. ‘You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only’.

I’m sure you get my drift. All this to say I’m making a conscious effort to have faith with works. Trusting and knowing that God can do all things but making an effort to take responsibility for my role in this and putting in the work.

I hope you take it upon yourselves to have faith with works too.

This one’s to trusting and working, always.

Until next week

Rebekah

Seizing Opportunities

It’s so important to use wisdom, and to know that some things don’t exactly come in the form we expect them to, but they come nonetheless. Just because something hasn’t come to us how we thought it would, doesn’t mean it hasn’t come at all. It’s so easy to pass things up because it fails to meet our expectations or because what has come doesn’t exactly tie in with what we have planned.

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I am currently working in a field that I am not passionate about, a field that I will leave (and not come back to) in order to pursue what I believe I’ve been called to do. With that being said, it’s a good job and I’m grateful for this job as it gives me stability (in more ways that one), flexibility and provides me with endless opportunities to reflect, learn and grow.

I got this job some time after I left university, so I didn’t really have a concrete plan, but after some time, I realised that this could be nothing more than a stepping-stone. I laugh at the irony. Of course, I never planned to stay for a long time, but as I await my two year anniversary (that is fast approaching) I remind myself of the importance of seizing opportunities- even the opportunities that look nothing like I thought they would.

With the intention of moving on in order to progress in my desired career, I made the effort to job search and apply for other roles; but nothing caught my eye, and despite the fact that this isn’t what I want to do, I found nothing that was worth leaving for.

One of the things on my ‘Things to Accomplish In 2017’ list is: ‘get a new job’. Once more, I laugh at the irony. I thought I’d be elsewhere by now and I never thought I’d do this, but I recently applied for a role within my department. I had to look at the full picture and accept that although my blessing didn’t come in the form I expected (me working in my desired field full time) it is a blessing nonetheless. Technically it’s a new job, which means I’ve accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. My timings have been pushed forward but I bask in the blessings that have and will come from this blessing. More flexibility, more stability, more opportunities to grow, reflect and learn, more time to master my craft and more time to prepare for the next blessing.

Of course, use wisdom and evaluate your situation, but know that a blessing is a blessing and just because things don’t look or work out a certain way doesn’t mean we should dash those things away or refuse to seize opportunities as they present themselves.

So here’s to blessings in disguise, using wisdom, considering the possibilities, taking chances and grasping opportunities for what they are and not what we think they should look like.

Happy March 2017

Until Thursday

Rebekah

Society’s Clock

We live in a society that is largely based around timelines and adhering to specific standards and expectations. Everybody has their own ideas about when people should be experiencing certain milestones. Although these ideas may vary, in growing up and becoming an adult, I realise that for the most part, these ideas are almost always the same. Although times have changed, some things remain; like the belief that we should work by society’s clock and graduate, marry, have children, be established in our careers and buy our dream houses and cars at particular points (ages) in our lives.

I’m sure that people (including our loved ones) want the best for us, and are probably concerned if we fail to meet these ‘norms’, however the pressure that sometimes comes with failing to meet these ‘norms’ can cause people to believe that they must by any means adhere to these standards which in turn, could result in people making rash decisions that can cause pain and suffering in the long run.

In life, things don’t always go according to plan and sometimes that means that the milestones we long to reach can be further away than we initially anticipated. I wanted this post to serve as a reminder that we all have our own clocks that can and will never be identical to any other person’s clock. Our individual clocks are different and fit perfectly in accordance with our individual lives. It’s important to adhere to our own timelines and stop putting pressure on ourselves to meet these sometimes unrealistic deadlines. Just because getting married young or graduating at 21 works for some, doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for others and that’s absolutely ok.

Remember that no matter who you are, or what you do, people will always have something to say or some advice to give. Be strong. I know how frustrating it may be to constantly hear people say things about a particular area of your life. Be strong and be patient. Sometimes we need to listen to what others say and sometimes we don’t. Often, the same people who pressurise us to meet their ideals or even societies expectations, do not help us to pick up the pieces if things come tumbling down after we’ve tried to meet these expectations. Again, be comfortable, be patient and stand firm in the fact that things will work when they are supposed to, in the way that they are supposed to.

I hope that we all learn to genuinely be ok with where we are and the fact that sometimes, the milestones we are waiting to experience will not happen according to society’s time, but our own. I’m not saying that we should be stagnant and we shouldn’t work hard for the things that we want just because things will happen in their own time, but what I am saying is that working hard for these things goes hand in hand with accepting and being ok with the fact that there is a season for everything.

Be comfortable in these moments and with the blessings that are present, in the present, be ok with your journey and stand firm in yourself so that the words of others do not cause you to feel sad, worried and/ or pressurised to make irrational decisions that ultimately only fit in with their ideals. You are enough, your clock is enough, God’s timing is enough; so no pressure.

Until next week

Love, light and blessings

Rebekah

The Importance Of Networking (Bloggers R Us)

Happy Thursday, guys! I hope you’ve all had a great week so far.

I attended an event last Saturday called Bloggers R Us, founded and hosted by Ashlee Moyo. I’m really glad I went as it enabled me to meet a range of bloggers from similar and different walks of life. I really enjoyed listening to others and having the opportunity to share my story and explain what my blog is all about.

This year, I’m making an effort to put myself out there a bit more, meet new people and take steps towards making my goals more tangible. Although I didn’t know what to expect, it was a fantastic opportunity to network. I liked that it was quite intimate, brands were showcased and there were gift bags, food/ drinks and games. I’m grateful that I went, as I’m a step closer than I was before.

All this to stress the importance of networking; specifically if you are looking to collaborate with people and get involved in/work within certain fields. God willing, I’ll be working on a project with someone I met last week and although I didn’t expect this to happen, I was reminded of how great things can pop up when you least expect them to. Sometimes it’s just about having confidence in your ability, being likeable/ approachable and being in the right place at the right time. I know things won’t always work out like this, but my point is, you never know what could happen, therefore it’s important to try and put yourself in certain situations and not get lost in waiting for something (or someone) to knock on your front door someday.

I’m working on a post that gives more specific details on how to network effectively and where to find good events/ programs in and around London. This’ll be from my own experience/ what I’ve learnt so bear with me as I gather my information. Keep an eye out though!

Until Thursday

Love and light

Rebekah