I know. I’ve been gone a very long time but in due time, I’ll tell you about everything and let you know where I’ve been.
How are you? I hope that you have been living your best lives and making me proud by shining your incredibly bright lights.
As adults, we know that things don’t always go according to plan, and it can sometimes be upsetting, frustrating or confidence shattering, but it can sometimes be a blessing, a learning experience, a relief or a form of confirmation.
Having thought about it for a while, this week, I decided that there was no longer space for me on a project I was assisting someone with. Although I wanted to see it to the end, it was time to say goodbye. I was unhappy with a few things, but ultimately I just didn’t have the time and resources to continue on in the way that was needed.
One thing that has taken a while for me to master is setting and reestablishing boundaries (post coming soon), but also taking time to put myself first, saying ‘no’ and being ok with the fact that I can’t always swim oceans or trek through deserts for people. I realise that some of the more recent choices I have made (like leaving this project, for instance) has been a result of the boundaries that I have had to put in place. I accept that although we both had good intentions, and plans/ goals as professional partners I couldn’t jeopardise what I had worked so hard to establish.
I have to say that I am grateful for the experience and for the fact that there are absolutely no hard feelings (so it seems lol). As usual, I have taken the time to reflect on recent events and bask in what I have learnt and what I’d do differently next time. Having said that, it would be absolutely unlike me not to share, therefore I have devised a short list in the hopes that you too can learn, grow and be inspired or encouraged:
- Boundaries- I’ve already touched on this and I will do a separate piece on it, but I will say that it’s important to know them. #IAmNotATeacup.
- Seeking Wise Unbiased Counsel- I know I’ve said this before, but it’s good to seek wise counsel, especially if you think you might be being irrational or if you think you’re overreacting. (Side note: I’ve also said this before, but be careful who you take advice from. When making decisions make sure you are happy with the decision you are to make. Make sure you’ll be able to stand firm in it with no regrets. People may have good intentions but remember that the people who advise you to do one thing, won’t have to deal with that one thing. Some might not even remember the advice they gave).
- Taking a Loss- Sometimes you have to. In some cases it will bother you and in others it won’t. Although mine was the latter, this experience reminded me that sometimes it’s better to take the ‘L’ and move on. Learn from the experience. I found that it was better than trying to force things to work or staying ‘just because’/ to see where it would lead.
- Knowing When to Back Out- This is important. It’s ok to say ‘no’ and it’s ok to leave when you know something isn’t for you. However, don’t be out of order. Remember that there is a way to do things so that there are no hard feelings. Nine times out of ten, you’ll know when it’s time to go but it’s essential to find the balance between doing you and still being a decent human being (I say that with love by the way, believe me). In this case, I found that part of finding the balance and doing things at the right time was having the ability to back out (and not be out of order) before it was far too late.
- Knowing When to Be Quiet- Again, despite the fact that you may have good intentions, not everyone will be able to see it. I learnt that sometimes, you have to let people come to certain realisations alone.
- Something I learnt about myself though… I’m not always that good at telling people how I feel. Sometimes I’m not that good at being persistent with ensuring that people understand how they’ve made me feel. How is someone supposed to know they hurt, offended or upset you or even if they make you happy, if you don’t let them know? Part of reestablishing the boundaries is about having the initial conversation(s).
- I should work on running my own project.
- In light of my introduction, I was reminded of the importance of accepting that things don’t always go according to plan or work out the way I would have hoped.
I’m so glad to be back, and I hope that you can take something away from today’s post.
No hard feelings…