Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married- Gary Chapman

Someone made a really good point: when we apply for jobs/ go to interviews, we take time to prepare, when we start a new job, we take time to prepare, when we have exams, we take time to prepare. He then posed a question: why is it, that we prepare for so many things, but we almost always fail to prepare for marriage when it is probably the most important, most challenging commitment one will ever choose to make? He went on to say that he and his now wife made sure to prepare for the step they were choosing and in doing so, they did a lot of subject related reading. He recommended ‘Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married’, so I decided to read it…

The title pretty much sums up what the book is about; I like that. You know what to expect and you know what you’re getting. Firstly, I’d like to preface this by saying that the book is about things he wishes he knew. I believe it’s important to remember that he speaks from his experience. Just because you may know a lot about certain topics within the book, doesn’t mean they are any less relevant. Glancing at the contents page, there was nothing that caught me off guard, however, I read with an open mind, willing to understand his perspective/ experiences and the fact that just because I know something, it doesn’t mean everyone else will. I found that there are people who haven’t considered that ‘being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage’ or that you’re marrying a family, which means ‘they will not go away’. I stand by this book 100% because I value his experiences and I value the fact that there were certain things that I never considered/ thought of.

I think the book is great and I really do encourage you to buy it. I don’t want to take up too much of your time and spill too many details, so I’ve summed up what I liked about the book in particular:

  1. He speaks from experience and takes into account/ includes what he discovered having counselled many couples over the years
  2. Chapman writes intentionally; he writes to those who are single, in a relationship, engaged or even married
  3. He uses real life examples
  4. It’s a very easy read
  5. He writes from a Christian perspective, but he doesn’t bombard you with Christianity, rather he focuses on marriage itself and things to consider. There are a few Bible references but the book still (to me) appeals to people who aren’t Christians.
  6. Chapman gives practical solutions and there are exercises/ questions/ things to think about at the end of each chapter.
  7. He refers to other books that one might choose to read after.
  8. He covers just enough, leaving you with room to do some extra reading/ figure things out.
  9. The topics are relevant- he’s been married for thirty something years and it’s still relevant.
  10. The fact that he’s still married, has counseled many couples over the years and draws from these experiences.

Having said all of the above, I will be honest and say that there was one chapter I wasn’t too keen about. I completely understand where he was coming from, but I didn’t like some of the examples he gave as I believe that these aren’t strictly true to every relationship. Furthermore, although I wasn’t too keen on some of the examples Chapman used, I like and agree with the overall point he was trying to make:

*SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT… SKIP TO PARAGRAPH STARTING WITH ‘ONCE MORE’ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THE POTENTIAL SPOILER*

Opposites attract and it is highly likely that you will fall in love with someone who is not the same as you. We are all build differently. Chapman writes to highlight the importance of observing and discussing the personality traits that affect the way people behave as these differences may cause problems after marriage when love requires more work.

Once more, I thoroughly enjoyed and would definitely recommend this book to anymore- single, in a relationship, engaged or married. Even if you are not considering marriage, these points can be considered for those who are in long term-committed relationships. I wanted to give an age but I believe it depends on maturity- my brother is 16 and he’s reading it, so I’d recommend it to anyone. Also, just in case you wanted to know, I bought my book from Amazon for £8.99.

I hope you guys enjoyed my new addition to the blog: Rebekah Reads… I hope to have a new review/ update on what I’ve read/ what I’m reading at least once a month.

Happy reading!

 

Rebekah Rates: 4/5

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